The expression "biting of more than I can chew" comes instantly to mind.I've been whining about this for awhile now, but I haven't fully explained it. So, for those of you not in the teaching biz, National Boards is a process akin to "super certification," a sign that the teacher in question's at the top of her game. To become an NBCT, teachers must meet rigorous standards--mostly through intensive study of their own classrooms. It involves videoing oneself (and one's students), analyzing those videos through a series of essays, and then submitting it all for peer review. That's right. Total strangers get to watch me teach.
(Commence emotional vomiting here.)
It's great professional development, but it's also incredibly nerve-wracking. There's only so much navel-gazing I can handle before I turn into an epic freak show. I'm so worried that my evaluators will confirm my worst fear: that I'm actually a horrible teacher. (Bonus worry: they'll be so distracted by my terrible taste in clothes that they won't even be able to evaluate my teaching.)
What's been really fun is having my teaching insecurities bump up against my writing insecurities. I've put off writing my essays because I fear showing them to anybody--much like the latest draft of my novel. This has made for some extreme stress!
Most candidates put in 200 to 400 hours of work in the course of their candidacy year... on top of full-time teaching responsibilities. Which is somewhat insane, considering that I grade 121 essays every two weeks.
Well, in theory. I've told my students they're not getting any work back until April.
It's true! The end is in sight. No matter where I'm at in the revision (don't lie: writing) process, my National Boards portfolio must be postmarked by midnight on March 31st.
Yeah, if you see a crazy lady at Kinko's/Fed Ex that night, it's probably me.
I'll be working down to the wire on this one. It's definitely time to assume crash positions and wait for the frantic e-mail. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated!
At this point, I'm trying to remind myself that projects are never done. They're just due.
4 comments:
Mrs. Miller went through this process in my senior year. Since I was in AP Lit, we were chosen to be videotaped on a couple different occasions. My friends and I joke even now about how when that camera came out, we all (probably me specifically) became intellectuals with amazing insights into the novel we were discussing. I'm not sure if Mrs. Miller ever caught on, but I think we all had a secret competition to work harder to look smarter. It was pretty funny for us! :)
Good luck with it all - tons of work, but I'm sure that you will do great with the last month of work!! Good luck!!
Katie, I linked to your blog from Heather's, hope you don't mind. I don't know about your essays or your novel, but if your writing on your blog is any indication, you are great! Thanks for the chuckles over emotional vomiting (disturbing but very funny) and the frog who never gave up. Good luck with National Boards -- and by the way, thanks for making RRHS a better place, as a student and now as a teacher!
Bonnie Adamson
JH has been taping you and told me you're amazing. I already knew that. You are one of THE best English teachers I have worked with. I wouldn't say it if it were not true. Now, just get the writing finished up and quit driving yourself crazy - clearly that's a mother's job!
I so wish I could see you teach - I can just imagine how wonderful you are. I'm sorry this is so stressful! UGH! But you're nearly there -- just a little more time and then you get sweet peace (and just a few essays to grade...) :) Love and miss you!!!
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